Worst sex scene ever

The survey was commissioned by Warburtons, a UK company, to mark the launch of its new snack food, Cheese Flavour Worst sex scene ever. What are your top three cheesiest moments in film?

The span of films in the top 10 ranged only from 1986 to 1999. I’m the king of the world! Nobody puts Baby in a corner. You can be my wingman any time. I’m also just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her. Today, we celebrate our Independence Day. They may take our lives, but they’ll never take our freedom!

Four of their entries in a top ten list were duplicates from Warburtons list. It’s coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere. Here everything is soft and smooth. Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. VHS tapes like cinematic herpes until DVD technology re-released it on the world in exactly the same way archaeological digs “re-release” angry mummies. Fatal Deviation is not a parody. This is a real place in Ireland and clearly not as much fun as you’d think.

The DVD warns you that they’re using a magic super-secret encryption which will totally destroy your computer if you try to copy it, a combination of childish optimism and absolute failure which extends to everything on the disc. To call this a playground recreation of violence would insult the thousands of children who genuinely hurt themselves. Modern action movies couldn’t hope to approach this level of sucking without a nude Jackie Chan fighting a homosexual black hole. The tagline promises “A classic good versus evil action flick, mixed with kicks, guns, motorcycles and a hot babe! According to the credits, Jimmy Bennett stars, writes, cinematographs, produces, directs, “Fight-Action Choreographs,” casts, second unit directs and comes dangerously close to scribbling “by Jimmy Bennett, age 23” in crayon all over the film. From the first kick, it’s clear his only hopes of getting into action movies were filming his own, or pretending to be an amputee orphan and applying to Make-A-Wish.

Unfortunately for dignity, he chose the former. Jimmy seems to do most things because he thought they were cool when he was eight and hasn’t thought again since. Crossed arms dual pistol Chow Yun Fat” pose only to individually sight down and fire each pistol in turn. It’s less Van Damme than I Am Sam, to the point where you feel kind of bad for making fun of him. You could find a better action hero in an osteoporosis ward, and you’d find better villains in an episode of The Smurfs.

And I’m not even counting Gargamel–I mean amongst the actual Smurfs. Your action movie loses a lot of credit when the ultimate villain has clearly been stolen from an old folks’ home, and could only be described as a “Drug Lord” if you count prescriptions. He reacts to the news that a lone hero is dismantling his village-wide crime empire the way your grandfather would react to a lecture on HTML. One man beat all four of you? If you’ve ever dropped something in the kitchen, congratulations on having a bigger budget than Fatal Deviation.

In the “bar fight” scene, a henchman, hurled over the bar at the speed of fingernail growth, manages to catch hold of the bar in mid-tumble, and gently lower himself to the ground, because they clearly couldn’t afford to break any glasses. I’ve seen less careful fights in priceless Ming vase collections. Note the powerful off-center angle of the car, playing on the uncertainty of chance and how no one involved had any clue this was going to happen. There are so many things about making a movie that Jimmy doesn’t know, that you could replace film school with this movie alone–just screening it once for students and asking them to list all the things it did wrong. Anyone who doesn’t write “everything” instantly fails. Most action movies aren’t judged on number of cameras, in the same way most weightlifting competitors aren’t judged by number of arms. Conversations at Drug Lords Gang dinnertimes were very strained.

These actors couldn’t deliver a line naturally if the script read “OH GOD YES” , and the lines stagger like a drunken Frankenstein’s monster. It doesn’t just take you out of the movie, it launches you out of there like an ejector seat. Even the people who made Caddyshack 2 acted like that was something real humans with souls might do, knowing they’d make their money back through a combination of genetic failures, poor parenting and DVD sales. But Rising Sun Productions, proudly advertised on the DVD case and in the opening credits, have destroyed all evidence of their aiding and abetting this movie from their website.

And yet they still proudly advertise “The Telephone Procedure” from “The Kata of Business. Pictured: a more fearsome opponent than James Bennett. This man turns up with no reason, no lines and does nothing but show his ass. I cannot stress enough how there is no explanation for this: We’ve never seen him before, we’ll never see him again, and the only time we do it’s his big fat white ass.