Spice up your sex

After twenty years spice up your sex marriage, there’s a fairly good chance one of us is too tired to think about sex, so I’ll challenge my husband to a game of ping pong. Somehow, the competition makes us very horny.

So, in other words, table tennis is our Viagra. Sometimes when things have been too hectic and we haven’t been making time for sex, I’ll offer a massage with candles and oils. It relaxes both of us, and the intimate and gentle touching leads to kissing and then sex. It sets the mood for a slowed down, sensual night when we might otherwise be ‘too tired. Sometimes I need a little extra somethin’ somethin’ to get in the mood. So I do all the things that feel like they’re going to lead to sex — dim the lights, light candles, play romantic music, put on lingerie.

We like to leave family events for quickies and then come back. When he brings home flowers out of the blue for no reason. When he decides to cook or when we go out for dinner on a weeknight. When I try on new Victoria Secret lingerie.

When I whisper in his ear on the subway that I’m not wearing underwear. When we talk it up all day. Once every few months, we’ll talk for a while during work about what we’ll do in bed later. At the end of the day, sometimes a good ol’ hand job does the trick.

I feel like it doesn’t happen a ton once you’ve been together a while — it’s usually straight-up sex or blow jobs — but if your guy is honest and says he likes it when you do it, then why not? At the very least, it keeps things from getting into too much of a routine. Rather than jumping right into sex, sometimes I’ll force the two of us to slow things down. We’ll spend a lot of time making out like teenagers, then go on to foreplay before finally moving to sex. It builds up a lot of anticipation and obviously draws things out, so it feels really sexy. If there’s one shopping weakness I have, it’s for high heels.

Which is completely impractical since I barely wear them anymore. Still, I have them, so I make use of them. I’ll slip on a pair shortly before starting something with my husband and tell him I want to keep them on. It ends up being the only thing that I’m still wearing.

Sometimes I’ll wake my husband up by giving him oral. I’m a big fan of morning sex as a great way to start the day, and this way we both get steamy things to fantasize about while we’re sitting in interminable meetings later. It may sound boring, but after chasing around our toddler all day I don’t usually have the energy for a lot of sexy games. So if I feel like we’ve hit a slump, I just do it. Even if I’m not in the mood when I start, that usually changes after just a few minutes. Sometimes you just have to get the juices flowing. If my husband and I are getting ready to go out but I’m in the mood for a little action later, then I make sure to get dressed last and spend the entire time getting ready wearing just a sexy bra and panties.

He almost always wants to do something right away, but I usually shoo him off. Never underestimate the power of a good pillow. Whenever I’m getting bored with missionary, or just not getting off from it, I’ll put a pillow under my hips. Entirely new sensations for both of us — especially if I also squeeze my legs a little tighter — that keeps things interesting while we’re going at it. After long work days, dinner, clean up, kids’ baths, and bedtime stories, usually there’s just enough time to plop into bed and watch some mind-numbing TV. So we started making out only during the commercials. As soon as the show comes back on, you have to hit pause on the makeout session.

Clear the schedule, stock up on favorite foods, and spend the entire day at home. My husband and I do this from time to time, and when we do there are no clothes allowed. It pretty much guarantees we’ll bang at least three times. I’m happy with our sex life, but I admit it’s become pretty routine: on Fridays, after putting our daughter to bed, my husband meets me in our bedroom for some action. But last night I started fooling around with him on the couch, and I pretended not to hear him when he suggested we go upstairs.